Between Grief and Small Glimmers of Hope June 8, 2024
Everything I do is overshadowed by the emptiness that Ebbi's death has left behind. It's as if a veil has been drawn over my daily life, making everything seem muted and melancholy.
The Painful Memory of Her Absence
I can't cycle past the dog forest anymore without seeing her running there. In my mind's eye, she's still jumping across the meadow, and for a brief moment I forget that she's no longer here.
I miss feeding her and fooling around with her while doing it. Those small, everyday rituals that you take for granted until suddenly they're gone. I miss coming home from school in the evening and seeing her joy, hearing her tail drumming on the floor or against the cushion. I miss her so much that I can barely put it into words.
When Cats Bring Comfort
Still, life has to go on somehow. It's quieter now, because there's no more fighting between the dog and the cats. The cats have also become somewhat more affectionate, as if they want to comfort us, or as if they want to tell us that they miss Ebbi too. The three cats had always had dogs around them their whole lives.
I don't really want to give my heart to another animal because I can't bear to have this pain again if something happens.
Finally Answers for My Elbow
On a different note: Yesterday we were in Farø. I had an appointment there with a specialist about my elbow. It's almost 200 kilometers away from us, but I finally had a doctor who took the matter seriously and explained to me what I have—or rather, what I'm missing.
First of all, the ligaments in my left elbow are missing, and they probably won't come back. It's hard to say exactly—sometimes things do regenerate, but after such a long time, it's probably unlikely.
Now it's important that I make the elbow usable again through physiotherapy, which the municipality kindly covers for as long as needed.
There's no point in operating right now, and the doctor doesn't want to. We need to see what happens when I regain some arm function through strength training and muscle building.
I'll also hear from a therapist in Aalborg within the next five days—he's only 80 kilometers away from me. He'll take care of my elbow, and then we'll see how it goes.
## Small Joys Along the Way
On the way home, Michael and I visited Aalborg and had some really delicious food at the street food market.
But the most wonderful experience was when we visited the blue spring. We did that on the way there, so we left an hour earlier on purpose. The blue spring is near Arden and is a natural phenomenon. The water from the spring appears azure blue. It was truly beautiful.
But without our Ebbi, everything is only half as lovely. Even the most beautiful moments carry this shadow of grief with them. But maybe that's okay too—maybe this grief belongs here, because it shows how deep the love was.
